A Mother's Heart

When I became a mom 20 years ago so many things changed for me.  I know that goes without saying to all you moms, but so much was learned in that instant as well.  I remember the day my son was born a clearly as though it were yesterday.  When he was born I remember thinking about God's sacrifice for us.  How He sent His only son to die for me and for you.  Could I make that sacrifice?  Absolutely not!  I found a love inside me I never knew existed and I think for the first time in my life I realized God's love for me.  As I have traveled the road of motherhood I often look at the sacrifices mother's made throughout history and throughout the Bible. The big standouts for me are Hannah and Mary.   Hannah, barren and begging God for a child promised her child to God if He would just bless her with a child.  She followed through with that promise taking Samuel, her gift from God, to the temple when he was 12 and leaving him.  So of course when Alex turned 12 I again thought about that.  Could I do that?  No God, I don't think I could do that.  Now fast forward to where I am today.  I have a grown son on my hands and I think of Mary, the mother of Jesus.  What was she thinking as her son, the promised Messiah turned 20.  Did she know the full impact of the sacrifice she agreed to when she told Gabriel she was God's servant as a young virgin.  Of course she knew His conception was immaculate, she took the risk of being stoned to death when she told Gabriel she was God's servant.  Do you realize if Joseph had turned his back on her she could have been stoned to death?  Do you realize the humiliation she must have endured at the hands of others who did not believe her and thought some really bad things about her?  Those times are NOTHING like today's times where we pretty much accept unwed mothers.  That was not the case in those days.  Of course Joseph married her and saved her reputation and her life, but she and Joseph let it be known that this child was not Joseph's son but in fact God's son.  Don't you think people thought they were crazy?  So the early day's of life as the chosen vessel of God were not easy ones no doubt.  She was so blessed though over and over in her life and even in the memories of man today she is considered the "blessed Mother of God".  At 20 years of age though what was Mary thinking?  She knew He was the promised Messiah, after all at 12 we have a glimpse of Jesus in the temple where Mary found him.  I'm sure she gained a few gray hairs looking for her child that was not where she thought He should be.  He told her when she found Him that He was about His Father's business.  So of course we know she knew who she was dealing with.  Did she know the very sacrifice she would eventually have to make?  Yes, I know she did because all of the prophecy pointed to the sacrifice.  So she looks at her 20 year old son knowing that he is quickly coming of age, she may not know at what time or age this will all occur, but I believe she knew and she accepted it.  That is some serious trust and faith in God, not to mention sacrifice for her very belief in God.  So could I do that?  Could you?  He became a sacrifice for all people even the very woman who gave birth to Him.  He saved her!  Do you see how profound that is?  The very mother who helped Him come into this world, take His first steps, kissed His skinned knees, and the countless things that a mother does as her child grows up.  Doing all of this knowing she was dealing with the Messiah.  Could I give my son as a sacrifice and show the love God did for all humanity?  Of course not, and thankfully God does not call us to do that, but just think of the love God had for us because He did, and Mary accepted her call.  God does call me to guide my children as they grow and as they grow up to set them free to become all that God has created them for.  Letting them go is not always easy though and has been met with a struggle on more than one occasion for me.  God gives me grace for each step and slowly I learn how to make that step into a new phase of motherhood, one of letting my oldest go and become who he was created to be and knowing I have given him all I could to become that person.  Now I fade into the background a bit more, but I'm still there to help him mend his broken heart or bruised spirit when the world beats him down.  More importantly though I've pointed him the direction of his Savior who loves him even more than I do and can guide and protect him in ways I never can.   One day I will no longer be here, but God will always be there.  I think that is the most important thing I can leave with my children, the knowledge of a God a who loves them so much He sent his only son to die for them!  I hope one day they will see just how deep that love was and completely sacrificial that love was, even more sacrificial than my love for them.  I'm not sure I could ever be a Mary or a Hannah, but I know that in 20 years God has definitely expanded my faith, trust, and love.  He also poured a lot of grace in my efforts of being the mom He called me to be.

Lisa